Dark on this day

 

 

It was on this day, 29th of July, 2014 that I was able to make another great choice of Jesus as Divine, whether I believed or not. Prior to this given day I had suffered for many days, left without interior consolation, no form of spiritual delight, and left all to myself to wonder how faith suddenly disappeared. It wasn’t the case of a change of morality, there weren’t any obvious or conscious fault in my spirit; yet, there was a deep suffering of doubt; and what that was, I really didn’t know. If there was faith lingering anywhere I was totally blind to it, even my affections as well as my feelings seemed completely asleep. One thing, however, kept its quiet light in me shinning: it was Love. Though in the darkness of my doubt, I had a little of love to spare; I, after all, had a little light to help me submit to faith, though the faith seemed absent, I could link to it only by the light of love which endured for God in me. In my apparent darkness, therefore, I wrote this poem:

I BELIEVE YOU

I believe in you, Jesus.

You see, my tongue is that of an infant,

Yet, I know little the pain of faith.

I sit in the corner of the dark room,

Looking at you sitting opposite me.

Now, you face me,

And I wonder where your light went.

You wanted to stay in the dark with me,

And this alone strengthens my gaze.

 

I am beset by deep doubt

Loving lovingly with belief asleep.

Shattered side by side

By the edges of this darkness

My fair heart now feel torn apart

As my searching hands

Held nothing tangible.

 

You know what, Jesus?

I believe in whatever you say you are.

Do you say you are the Son of God?

I believe you.

Do you say you are God?

I believe you.

Do you say you were sent?

I believe you.

Do you say you and the Father are One?

I believe you.

Do you say to have seen you is to have seen God?

I believe you.

Whatever you say, I believe.

 

Dear Jesus, you see,

Many people are saying many things,

You, however, are saying only one thing.

But I will like to ask you:

When are you going to escort me out of this room?

Is it when I am ready?

And Jesus says:

“No, when I am done with you

Behind locked doors, in the darkness of light”.